tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-13499815936904707152024-03-14T05:53:26.443+02:00Kay TabzKayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.comBlogger16125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-64922162204979491592013-01-31T10:28:00.001+02:002013-01-31T10:28:29.190+02:00Clouded VisionLife is full of challenges right? We face so many things on a daily basis that demoralise us. We get upset, lose hope and blame our misfortunes on all sorts of things. We forget that at the end of the day, we are the masters of our destiny. Somehow, we forget that though things beyond our control might happen, after all, life is what you make it!<br />
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How we react to these situations and how we view them at the end of the day is what matters. We usually don't respond in a positive manner when things go wrong, and the question is WHY? Truth of the matter is that our vision is clouded. We forget that though things go wrong, they do go right at some point. We forget to look for the good in the situation we consider to be the worse ever. but the truth is that somewhere in that darkness, there is light. The sooner we find this light, the sooner we can realise that this situation is not so bad after all, or that there was a reason we had to go through what we went through. It is only through looking at the bigger picture that we can see this.<br />
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So many times we have our eyes fixed on the problem and the disappointment that we fail to see the bigger picture and move on. We also forget that no matter what happens, Emmanuel is always with us, and that He is Jehovah Jireh, out provider at ALL times. It's high time we remove all the small, negative things that cloud our vision and deprive us of happiness and see the bigger picture, that Emmanuel is here, and He will provide... Best believe!Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-39750411976574801892012-05-17T04:44:00.002+02:002012-05-17T04:44:48.017+02:00Look at me now<div style="text-align: center;">
who i was then is not who i am now</div>
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so please, don't expect me to be who i was</div>
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take me for who i am</div>
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everyday i learn new things and find new meaning</div>
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and slowly but surely, i redefine myself</div>
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perfecting the right</div>
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reworking the wrong</div>
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i am a constant work in progress</div>
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who i am now</div>
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is not who i will be tomorrow</div>
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so please don't judge me be who i was </div>
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focus on the present</div>
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find out who i am now </div>
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and walk with me as i become who i will be </div>
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- Kay Tabz</div>Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-51115864761447816392012-05-17T04:10:00.000+02:002012-05-17T11:47:15.764+02:00better to try and fall short than never to try at all because you think its impossible...<div style="text-align: justify;">
So,i came across that statement as i was reading something i wrote over a year ago and funny enough, its relevant to my life right now... oh how life works in mysterious ways! gives you what you need EXACTLY when you need it!</div>
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I think its a statement that applies to many different situations, but in my life i think it all comes down to one thing: when i reflect on my life one day, i want to look back and have no regrets. one might ask, is this even possible? so i shall explain what i mean... i want to be able to look back and know that in all the life situations i was faced with, whatever challenge it was, i did all that i could and i was not limited by my own inhibitions... i want to be able to look back and say i seized every opportunity that was presented to me. i want to be able to say i made the most of my friendships and my relationships. i don't want to look back and have those 'what if' moments, those 'maybe i should have' moments. but is this realistic? is it possible to apply this to all aspects of my life? </div>
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<i><b>Maybe i am just a dreamer, but i would rather try and fall short than never try at all because i think its impossible...</b></i></div>Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-84377533483629236562011-03-29T21:06:00.003+02:002011-03-29T21:11:53.708+02:00Be gratefulBe grateful for each waking moment that you have. life is too short and you never know when your last moment will be. live your life such that you know that if your life were to end right now you are going to end up where you want to be,where you have been striving to be all your life.<br /><br />i know they say live each day like its your last, so embrace that in a positive manner. do all the good that you can in that day to all the people that you can and at the end of the day, look back and say today was a good day, i gave the best of me at everything i did today. Easier said than done right? but if you live everyday in this manner then you will have no reason to worry about your life or where you will end up in your afer-life, in my opinion at least<br /><br />one step at a time, one day at a time, but above all, be grateful for each new sunrise that you see, and what better way to show the Creater how grateful you are than to be the best that you can be in that day!Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-92050344918627332332011-03-29T20:47:00.002+02:002011-03-29T20:59:35.811+02:00Lost and Found<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pm2fOZzWSNA/TZIr8z94_NI/AAAAAAAAACw/pgRTRILCXHE/s1600/m.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 170px; height: 113px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-pm2fOZzWSNA/TZIr8z94_NI/AAAAAAAAACw/pgRTRILCXHE/s400/m.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5589578411262147794" /></a><br />Your love came searching for me<br />When my soul wandered astray<br />Because of You i'm here today<br />In the midst of confusion<br />You wiped those tears off of my face<br />And led me to a better place<br /><br />You loved me when my heart was in<br />In the lost and found<br />You did, you did, you did<br />You loved me<br />You loved me when my heart was in<br />In the lost and found<br />You claimed me when my heart was in<br />In the lost and foundKayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-69233000259413141752010-10-15T10:33:00.002+02:002010-10-15T10:44:59.205+02:00I wonder...If i were to be someone else looking into my life, would i be proud of the person that i am? they say the true measure of a man is what he would do if he knew he would never get caught, its in what he does behind closed doors, all alone... and only God and the individual really know what happens... so would i be proud of what i do when i am alone if i were to look into my life from the eyes of someone else? would i even do what i do behind closed doors if i knew someone else could see me??<br /><br />if my thoughts could be amplified for the whole world to hear, would i be proud of me? would i want the whole world to really know what i think and what i say to myself? would this world still be the same place if everyone could tell what the next person was thinking? i think not...<br /><br />why then do we go around saying things that are not a true reflection of our thoughts, why then do we do things that we do not want the rest of the world to see and know about? after all it is written that on Judgement Day, everything that happened in secret shall be revealed... why then do we keep secrets if they are going to be revealed in the end? <br /><br />well i guess everything has its repercussions and if people were brutally honest, there would be other issues to deal with! but wouldn't it be better? wouldn't that take away a lot of the conflict and love-hate relationships that are a result of people not being honest to each other?<br /><br />so how do we get past all the dishonesty and two-facedness that is all around? i really wonder and i guess i will wonder for a long time, but i guess what really matters and what we should all understand and remember is that one day, one fine day everything shall be revealed...Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-86430382739072728672010-10-12T21:09:00.002+02:002010-10-12T21:13:25.655+02:00Don't give up on me yet...I am not the wisest of all mankind<br />Neither am i the c;everest<br />But all i know is that i am trying my best to be the best version of me<br />So please, don't give up on me yet.<br /><br />I am trying as hard as i can!<br />I am faced with challenges along the way<br />But all i know is that i am trying my best to overcome them<br />So please, don't give up on me yet.<br /><br />I don't know what the future holds<br />Or what i will face in tomorrow<br />But all i know is that i will try my best not to let you down<br />So please, don't give up on me yet.Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-5976856871073955332010-10-12T13:26:00.006+02:002010-10-12T16:01:42.716+02:00Best believe...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLRHcL85FuI/AAAAAAAAACg/2ubEPGz3FG0/s1600/sunshine.jpeg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 225px; height: 225px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLRHcL85FuI/AAAAAAAAACg/2ubEPGz3FG0/s400/sunshine.jpeg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5527121192260540130" /></a><br />I really thought this week was gonna be the most hectic week of my academic life, and i had pronounced it the worst week of my UCT life... but i guess life has a way of sorting itself out! well its still the most hectic week of my academic life, but it is not a bad week at all... so much good has happened in the last 12 hours, i could live on the high from these incidences for the rest of the week!!<br /><br />guess dreams do come true at some point and what we hope and wish for comes through and it happens at an appointed time! i think all the things that have happened in the past 12 hours have happened now for a specific reason! if these things had happened last week or the week before, i wouldn't have appreciated them the way i appreciate them right now! but because i am going through a hectic time, the simplest things have happened and they have taken me from the depths of misery to the heights of pure happiness!<br /><br />i now truly believe that things happens for a reason and they happen when they are meant to... no matter how hard we try and wish for things to happen in our own time, our Father in heaven knows why he does not grant these things in our time, but in His own time... so best believe that God has got your back and He knows what he's planning for you, and he surely knows when these things are to happen... so when things dont seem to be going your way, or when the future looks really dark, hang tight, it will all come together in the end!<br /><br />i still have a hectic week, i still have lots to do, but i'm gonna do it with a happy smile and not the gloomy frown i've had for the past two days<br /><br />so hang tight, sunshine is coming!! Best believe...Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-18362388634362108252010-10-11T10:31:00.003+02:002010-10-11T10:36:08.089+02:00Love...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLMaUYJOhI/AAAAAAAAABo/KR6H8JqmMvM/s1600/thing-called-love.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 319px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLMaUYJOhI/AAAAAAAAABo/KR6H8JqmMvM/s320/thing-called-love.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526704445255662098" /></a><br />If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.<br />If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.<br />If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.<br /><br />Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.<br />It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.<br />Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.<br />It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.<br /><br />Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.<br />For we know in part and we prophesy in part.<br />But when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.<br /><br />When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.<br />Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.<br /><br />And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-22100892878995020292010-10-09T22:27:00.003+02:002010-10-11T10:37:55.118+02:00The simplest things<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLMyCyzxVI/AAAAAAAAABw/DyFiTFKCab8/s1600/logo_simple.png"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 256px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLMyCyzxVI/AAAAAAAAABw/DyFiTFKCab8/s320/logo_simple.png" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526704852852524370" /></a><br />All the simple things that are the most important things in life are right before my eyes. All i have to do is open my eyes and take the time to absorb and consider that i really do have everything i need and everything i will ever need, but not necessarily everything i want.<br /><br />Happiness lies in the simplest things and it is only in realising this that i will find true happiness! It's in listening to that quiet voice deep withing, its in smiling at the next person, it's in dancing to that song in my heart, it's in loving unconditionally, it's in singing my favorite song, it's in sharing what i have, it's in listening to the people around me, it's in working to the best of my ability, it's in living my life in the best way that i can... it's in all these things that i find happiness, and at the end, when i look back on my life, i will smile and say i did my best. Whatever the outcome, at least i tried!<br /><br />and so i will sing, dance, smile, live, laugh, love, share, give, work, pray and be the best version of me that i can be nomatter what the circumstances, so help me God...Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-42986503262667624962010-06-01T08:16:00.003+02:002010-10-11T10:57:14.655+02:00Flee from sexual immorality...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLRW-xQw0I/AAAAAAAAACY/XuS2JTtFxTw/s1600/moses-fleeing-slide.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 400px; height: 300px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLRW-xQw0I/AAAAAAAAACY/XuS2JTtFxTw/s400/moses-fleeing-slide.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526709885473964866" /></a><br />as young people living in today's world, i think we have done so many things to justify the things we do as not sinning and we've sugar-coated our deeds to make them seem as though they are ok and not something wrong in God's eyes. for a long time i have been thinking of the scripture that says 'flee from sexual immorality' and i've been wondering what it really means. so i did some research and got a few view on the matter...<br /><br />Hebrews 13 says 'marriage should be honoured by all and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexually immoral. and then the Bible goes on to tell us how to avoid the sin of sexual immorality:<br /><br />1 Corinthians 7:1-2 says 'Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. 2 Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband'<br /><br />So does this then mean that if a man wants to TOUCH a woman, he should marry her? and therefore any of this touching that happens outside of marriage is sexual immorality??<br /><br />We say as youth of today that as long as there is no intercourse its not sexual immorality, but that which we do is supposed to lead up to the act right? so why start a journey and stop? and who knows, maybe one day some will start that journey and find that they cannot stop. so is not the best way to stay pure before marriage therefore not to touch at all??<br /><br />Personally, i think i agree with this, but so many times people then say what is the point of the relationship if nothing physical is going to happen? who says anything physical should happen? then there are those that say we know our limits, we have our boundaries and know what we are doing? Really??<br /><br />But why do we even think of these things and act on them? the media has a huge role to play and what we see with our eyes and hear with our ears stimulates a lot of things. Pornographic movies and magazines are readily available. some things are not explicitly pornographic but can still be classified as it. soft porn or even sexual acts in cartoons stimulate the mind and what we take in is what comes out.<br /><br />So how then do we stay pure as young Christians of today? Lust in itself is a sin, just looking at someone lustfully is wrong. how do we stay pure in a world gone wrong? in a world where values have been twisted and turned to suit our own human desires and whose meanings have been distorted? HOW??Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-27201589070776110492010-05-29T16:26:00.001+02:002010-10-11T10:40:00.061+02:00I'm a believer<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLNUoEEnII/AAAAAAAAAB4/VoQ2FlAa1I0/s1600/believe.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 132px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLNUoEEnII/AAAAAAAAAB4/VoQ2FlAa1I0/s200/believe.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526705446972595330" /></a><br />I believe in love<br /><br />Love reveals just who we are<br />But in our fear, <br />We may lose out on a star<br />Love brings us closer while fear tears us apart<br />Love sets us free but our fear will keep us froze<br /><br />I am a believer<br /><br />Love, love heals while fear brings on disease<br />Love opens up while fear closes us in<br />Love breeds the courage,<br />to do the things that we once feared<br />Though we feel the fear, <br />still we move right on in love<br /><br />I am a believer<br /><br />Believing with all my heart, <br />my mind and all my actions<br />I am a believer <br />Believing with all my heart<br />my mind and all my actionsKayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-2455508088676366942010-05-29T16:13:00.003+02:002010-05-29T16:24:18.578+02:00Soul in mindI am a child born of love<br />So let love remain in my heart and my mind<br />Let love and joy be my friend<br />Give me peace with no end<br />Let me live with no fear and no shame<br />Let me begin to see love come alive in my life<br />Let me feel how it feels to be me<br /><br />A longing and pounding in my heart<br />Led me to want so much more out of life<br />Led me to forgive every hurt<br />To let go of the past<br />And allow myself to heal every pain<br />Now I am free<br />Yes, I hold my head up high<br />The burden on my shoulder is no longer with me<br />Now I can breathe<br />Yes, I feel so much at ease<br />My soul is alright with me<br /><br />Soul in mind, soul in mind<br />A prayer for my soul in mind<br />Let love enjoy being my friend<br />Give me peace with no end<br />Let me live with no fear<br />I don't want to fear<br />Let me begin to see love come alive in my life<br />Let me feel how it feels to have joy<br />Let me be free from disease<br />Let my heart feel at ease<br />Let me feel how it feels to be free<br /><br />I want it all, i want it all<br />Guess i gotta have it all<br />I wanna be loved<br />Soul in mind, soul in mind<br />A prayer for my soul in mindKayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-62887305780927258482009-12-03T14:35:00.006+02:002010-10-11T10:51:12.925+02:00The world i see...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLP95cXxAI/AAAAAAAAACA/R9V7AgDbsXk/s1600/Woman_looking_through_Binoculars_1204331240228.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 200px; height: 132px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLP95cXxAI/AAAAAAAAACA/R9V7AgDbsXk/s200/Woman_looking_through_Binoculars_1204331240228.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526708355035808770" /></a><br />The past few weekends have just been an eye-opener for me... many events left me disturbed...<br /><br />yesterday in church i was sitting right at the back. a young girl that i used to teach in Sunday school about 2 years ago walked in holding a baby and i thought to myself "she has probably come to church with her sibling and her mom is gonna follow or the mom is already here". she sat right in front of me and as the service proceeded, i took no notice of her. the baby started crying and that brought my attention back to her. i thought she was gonna stand up and take the baby to her mom. but to my surprise,she started breast-feeding the baby... SHE WAS THE MOTHER TO THE INFANT and yet she herself was not more than 17!<br /><br />so i began to look around and i realised that there were many more just like her... MANY... i looked at myself, and i was holding my friend's baby.. the mother is 21, the infant is one and a half and the father is nowhere to be found.. he has a wife and three children somewhere else.<br />such situations have become so normal, and by not speaking out and addressing them in church, are we saying that they are okay? <br /><br />Why is it that the church cannot speak on issues of sexuality freely? are these issues too embarrassing to discuss with the youth? the community where my church is situated is one of the worst high density suburbs in ZIMBABWE... so many things happen there and the only place where young people can get proper guidance and counseling is at church, but the church is too afraid to address these issues!<br /><br />Teenage pregnancies are on the rise and it's now almost normal to hear that someone less than 18 has a baby. recently in my church, two young girls died because of pregnancy issues. of these two, one of the stories made a Sunday local paper. this young girl was 16 and fell pregnant of a boy who was 17. because he was too young and afraid of responsibility, he forced her to have an abortion which resulted in her illness and eventual death. all the parties involved in the abortion issue were arrested and are being charged, but the damage has already been done. the other girl passed away not more than 8 days ago of a premature delivery complication and left behind her baby, born at 7 months fighting for her life. <br /><br />What has happened to the world such that these issues have become acceptable? they have become everyday talk! when are we going to go back to the times when people got married, then had children? or is this a backward way of thinking? is this now the new "in-thing"? children having children? or am i the one that is backward? am i concerned and troubled over things that are absolutely normal?<br /><br />then we have cases of young girls, minors to be exact who are being married off at young ages so that their families can get money and food.is this not a crime? i say it is! but who is going to report such forms of abuse when the family is receiving food? does that then mean that we are promoting crime, or let me say protecting criminals, or is it just a case of "survival of the fittest"?<br /><br />but why is it that teenage pregnancies are on the rise? is it that children are now experimenting more than before? or are hormones actively playing up? but even though, where do children get their sex education? Media? or first hand experience? my church is in a community where families live in a single room: mother, father and their 5 children, all in one room. at times this one room is divided among two or more families as people are seeking cheaper accommodation and sources of income. it is therefore not surprising that while the children are asleep on the floor and mom and dad are on the bed, the children can clearly hear what's going on between mom and dad. so many parents assume that their children are asleep and they carry out their love-making activities in that same room! don't you think that these young ones could become curious? don't you think that they also would want to know what's going on or maybe even experience for themselves? is this then not where many problems are stemming? children know too much and they do not know what to do with all this knowledge and they do not have proper guidance in life. parents are too busy working to care for their children, and in our culture,some issues are not discussed!<br /><br />Again, in these crowded homes, children are faced with issues of abuse. because they are poor and they need money for survival, many girls go into prostitution for money and some are abused for money. because of this, they say nothing. at times fathers abuse their own daughters and sons and mothers say nothing because they know that they will go to bed hungry. to them, they would rather have food at any cost than report this abuse against their children. young boys are sodomised and this becomes normal to them, they even go ahead to practice on other young boys!<br /><br />i am a Sunday school teacher and deal with children aged between 3 and 14. recently, we had a Sunday school camp and two events left me really puzzled. one night, two 9 year old boys, who i will name Andy and Billy were caught walking around naked in the boys dorm. when asked what was going on, Andy said that Billy was trying to force him to do "silly things" that he did not want to do. when Billy was questioned he did not hesitate in answering, "this is what i do, but i said i was sorry and left him alone". is simple terms, Billy tried to sodomise Andy, but Andy refused. another night, in the girls dorm, something else happened. the girls reported the next morning that they were tired because they had slept at 4am. when one of them was asked why, she reported that some of them had been awake the whole night watching as others acted out what their mothers and fathers do at night in their beds. Basically,these girls, aged 9 to 14 were acting out love-making scenes! where do these children get all this information?<br /><br />As an individual concerned about Billy and many liked him how do i address this situation in the church environment? girls are still being scolded for walking around with boys at 18. how then are they expected to learn about relationships? instead of the church creating a system where young people get to talk about real life issues and what really affects them, the church has created a situation where only the bible and "holy matters" are discussed at youth meetings. where then are young people supposed to get counseling and direction if at home they cannot talk about it and at church too? if these issues can't even be discussed, how then can i, as an individual concerned about children stand up and talk about sexuality, sodomy and the issues that i have seen that affect these children i deal with? do i just turn a blind eye and keep watching as more children are abuses silently? do i just watch, knowing that children lie awake and listen to what goes on at night? or do i go against the norm and speak out? do i tell the mothers in my church what's really going on? considering my culture, will they not think that i am too "forward"?<br />WHAT DO I DO??<br /><br />the church needs to get to a point where we realise that we live in a world with temptations and challenges. we need to get to a point where we stop condemning the girl that's seen walking with a boy, and get to a point where we can help her sort through her emotions, give her the knowledge she needs to have in order to handle the situation correctly. we need to be able to discuss issues of abuse openly so that even young children know what is it and how to recognise it. many young people are naive and do not know the consequences of their actions and some do not even know that what is happening to them is abuse and not a "game"<br /><br />how do i stand up as a single person and try to turn the church around? when will the church see through my eyes, or is it my duty to make them see things the way i do? when will we go back to the "innocent" world? will we ever? can i really make a difference in the lives of these children i see? how do i make a difference without removing them from their crowded, polluted environment? do i tell their mothers and fathers to be more careful? is it their fault they live the way they do? HOW DO I FIX THIS? i can't just leave Billy, i can't allow the person who has done this to him to just be... but what do i do? i can't allow children to be exposed to the kinds of situations they are exposed to. But what can i do?<br /><br />WHAT? what can i do? i see so much but there's so little i can do. i don't have the perfect solution for i am only one small being, but the little that i can, i shall do for these children. but will that be enough to reduce the number of young people who are sexually active? will that be enough to reduce the number of teenage pregnancies? will that be enough to reduce the number of children that are abused in various ways? <br /><br />i know i do not have the answers to all my questions. but i have one wish: i wish that the Church would step up and be an adequate mother and father to these children,t o give them the proper guidance that they need and equip them to be full, whole members of their societies.<br /><br />i know i cannot make everything perfect for everyone but i will try my best to make life better for some. and for that which i cannot change, my heart continues to bleed.Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-22890833141965031982009-11-23T09:01:00.001+02:002010-10-11T10:55:00.853+02:00Trapped...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLQk47AZgI/AAAAAAAAACI/fTIWauXFGTc/s1600/Trapped1(3).jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 240px; height: 320px;" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLQk47AZgI/AAAAAAAAACI/fTIWauXFGTc/s320/Trapped1(3).jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526709024910763522" /></a><br />How does one escape their thoughts? How does one escape what they feel deep within? How does one escape their emotions? What they feel in their heart?<br /><br />Or maybe I should put it this way: How do I escape my thoughts? How do I escape what I feel deep within? How do I escape my emotions? What I feel in my heart? How do I leave my head? How do I leave my thoughts and escape to another place? What place? Where? How do I escape the things I cannot solve? How do I escape the tension in my head because of the things I cannot solve? How do I escape the headache that comes because of the tension in my head caused by the things I cannot solve? <br /><br />HOW?? How do I leave me behind and be someone else? Where do I go to escape myself? Does such a place exist? A place free of all the tension around me… a place free of all the negativity around me… a place free of all the pressure around me… does such a place exist?<br /><br />One musician once sung, “there is a place I call my own, where I can stand by the sea, and think of all the things I’ve known and dream that I might be free… like the bird above the trees, gliding gently on the breeze, I wish that all my life I’d be without a care and flying free. But life is not a distant sky, without a cloud, without rain! And I can never hope that I can travel on without pain… time goes swiftly on its way, all too soon we’ve lost today, I cannot wait for skies of blue, or dream so long that life is through. So life’s a song that I must sing, a gift of love I must share, and when I see the joy it brings, my spirits soar through the air… like that bird above the trees, gliding gently on the breeze, for now I know what I can be and now my heart is flying free…”<br />Is there really a place I can call my own? A place where I can be free? Gliding gently on the breeze? Can my life really be without a care and can I really fly free?? What about the people around me and the boundaries they set for me? What about the standards of the society? Cultural restrictions? Religious guidelines? Can I really be free to fly as I wish?<br /><br />Another musician also said, “when the world seems far beyond me and I have no place to go, when my life seems cold and empty and I feel I’m all alone… then a song that I remember helps to ease my troubled mind, and I find the strength within me to reach out just one more time! For as long as I have music, as long as there’s a song for me to sing, I can find my way, I can see a brighter day, the music in my life will set my spirit free!! When my life seems cold and empty and I feel I want to cry, when the dreams I keep inside me seem to fade and almost die, then I call upon my music and it helps to dry my tears, and I know that I can make it, I’ll reach out just one more time! For as long as I have music, as long as there’s a song for me to sing, I can find my way, I can see a brighter day, the music in my life will set my spirit free, set it free!!!!”<br />Is music really that powerful? Can it take one to a whole new world after all there is a song for every occasion, a song for every emotion, a song for everyone out there… can words and a tune to those words be that powerful? Powerful enough to give one the strength to reach out just one more time? Powerful enough to make everything alright? To calm every storm and bring a brighter day? I certainly believe it can… music has the power to transport one to a world far far away… a word where everything is alright, a world where one is free... a dream world… a perfect world…<br /><br />What do I do when the world I used to escape to no longer exists? What do I do when my coping mechanisms are no longer there? What do I do when those I used to lean on are gone? What do I do when the people who used to keep me sane are no longer readily available? What do I do when I feel as though I can’t burden the ones that are there with my baggage? What do I do when some don’t seem to care anymore? Maybe it’s because they never realized how important they were, I don’t know...or maybe I never mattered much... but that’s a story for another day… where do I escape to when all that used to help me escape this constant headache is no longer there? WHERE DO I GO?<br />But is escaping to another place the solution to the problem? What happens when reality strikes again? What happens when I can’t run from myself anymore? When I can’t run from my thoughts anymore? When I can’t run from my pressures anymore? What happens when the walls around me begin catching up and closing in on me? What then? Where to now? But is it bad to wish for an escape? Even if it is temporary? Is it too much to ask for? Is it too much to ask for a perfect world? A world where all things go my way? They say the things we experienced in the past make us who we are today and what we are experiencing today moulds who we will be tomorrow... but does it have to be so hard?<br /><br />The Bible also say that Christ came that we might have an abundant life… Jesus says “come to me all you who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest”… why then do we spend so much time carrying baggage around? Why can’t we just surrender it all to the Creator? Why can’t I just let it all go? Why do I spend so much time thinking? Trying to escape me and be somewhere else? Why do I have to face such situations? To make me a better person? To test the strength of my character??<br /><br />We see so many people in the streets every day, but do we know what they are thinking? Do we know the challenges they are facing? Do we care? Probably not, because they are strangers... why should we care? We see our friends every day, or almost... we speak to them often... these are not strangers, but do we know what they are thinking? Do we know the challenges they are facing? Do we know how they really feel inside? DO WE CARE? Do we have the time and the energy to ask and know? Or are we busy dealing with our own conflicts? Our own walls closing in on us… is there really a perfect world? Do we live in a troubled world or are we the ones complicating simple things? Am I the one complicating my own life? Am I the reason my world is a world of confusion? Am I the reason I have this constant headache? Do I have the power to resolve the conflict within me? Do I have the answers to all my questions? Am I carrying a burden that is not mine?<br /><br />I do not have the answer to these questions, or maybe I do have them and I just haven’t realized it... or maybe I like to complicate simple matters, but all I know is that right now I feel bound, enclosed within the confines of my own flesh, TRAPPED in my own body…Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1349981593690470715.post-57529946627311513812009-11-19T12:43:00.001+02:002010-10-11T10:55:57.242+02:00Sorry will never be enough...<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLRC0rRdlI/AAAAAAAAACQ/qW5yAOU2HRI/s1600/sorry-35-81366.gif"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 205px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_LNPShDy0qqA/TLLRC0rRdlI/AAAAAAAAACQ/qW5yAOU2HRI/s320/sorry-35-81366.gif" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5526709539167106642" /></a><br />Yesterday I found a letter in my room... a letter that was written a long time ago and it brought back memories...<br /><br />I had a friend a long time ago... a really close friend. If I was not at home, I was out and about with him... we were never apart... if you looked for me, you'd find him, if you looked for him, you'd find me... we did many things together and my whole neighborhood has memories of him and I...<br /><br />We were close, really close, but as usual, friends have arguments... some get resolved and some are just too deep... this is what happened between us... this one argument was just too deep... I drifted away, cut ties and all contact...<br /><br />Months and months passed... he tried to talk to me, tried to get back things to the way they used to be, but I just wouldn't have it... I was too angry...<br />Months later I decided that it was time all this came to an end, it wasn't worth our friendship... so I tried to cal him, and his phone was unavailable... I tried their land line but it was never answered... I kept trying his cell phone for a whole week... Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday. No answer...on Friday I received a call from one of his friends... "Hey Kay, did you hear what happened?" I knew nothing and actually went on to say I'd been trying to call him but he wasn't answering his phone, there was silence on the other end of the line... then he broke the news to me , "he drowned last Sunday, he was buried this last Wednesday.." I was shocked, too stunned to react... I could not believe my ears... <br />That night I did not sleep... I asked myself so many questions that no one else could answer... what were his last thoughts? What did he think about in his last moments? What were his thoughts about me in his last moments??<br />He really cared about me, I know he did... why did it take a long time for me to realise that our friendship was worth so much more? Why did it take so long for me to decide to contact him? Why did I only try to contact him after he was already dead? WHY?? But I had no answers to my questions... I will never get the answers to these questions... never ever... I will never see him and I will never get a chance to make things right. To get us back to where we used to be... to get our friendship to what it was. I will never see him never hear his voice, never laugh with him... NEVER... and never is long time...<br /><br />I am sorry that things ended the way hey ended, I'm sorry that I did not get a chance to make things right... I'm sorry that I treated him the way I did... if only I had made an effort to reach out much earlier, if only I had tried... if only had allowed him to reach out when he had... if only.. But time has already come and gone... there is no going back. It has been over a year but many times when I’m walking around I keep hoping that I will see him I keep hoping that it was all a misunderstanding and he is still alive... I still have not gathered up the courage to go to their house and see for myself that he is no longer there... I still cannot accept that this is the way things ended... but why? Could it be that I feel guilty for the way things ended? Could it be that I regret not mending things when I had the chance?? Or could it be all of the above? I don't know...<br /><br />But one thing I know for sure is that I will never have the chance to go back and make things right, I will never have the chance to see him again and talk this through, like civilised people... all I have left are the good memories and the regrets that are in my mind.. <br /><br />Life is too short; we never know when it will come to an end... who would have thought that at 17 his life would have come to an end? we never know when God will take his soul away... we cannot control life but we can control what we do with our time, we can control how we treat each other... we can! Though you're gone my dear friend, you have taught me to take each day, each relationship, each friendship seriously... everyday and every moment counts... we can never be too sure of what will happen tomorrow... you have taught me to part ways with people on a happy note every time.. You have taught me that valuable moments and valuable people are to be treasured at all times... you have taught me to treat my friendships with the greatest care, to resolve all arguments and make peace with all people t all times... <br /><br />I will never forget you and 'sorry' will never be able to express how I feel when I think of you. No words will ever be able to describe the sorrow I felt when I heard of your passing... no words will ever be able to express the sorrow I felt when I remember the happy times we had and the many things we did together… the places we went hold memories, memories I will treasure forever!<br />Sorry will never be enough...<br /><br />Rest in peace my kangaroo...<br />Rest in peace A.A.M.H<br />You will be missed forever...Kayhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/16640389751184155433noreply@blogger.com3